Phanteasers
by lucyinthesky95
Summary: Dan, Phil, a bag of Malteasers and a live webcast. This has to end well. A play on Dan's favourite pairing of Danteasers, with a Phan twist. Now updated, with an addition chapter of smut, due to popular request. Enjoy!
1. Phanteasers

This is my first Phanfiction (not fanfiction, I've written heaps of those), so forgive me it's a little OOC, I'm not used to writing for these characters yet. I've written a much longer, R-rated version of this story but for now I'm uploading it as a fairly tame one-shot. If it gets enough positive feedback I may add a few chapters of the saucy stuff. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own the genius of the characters Danisnotonfire or AmazingPhil, nor do I have any rights to Malteasers. I just think they're sweet and scrumptious. Oh, and Malteasers are pretty tasty, too.

* * *

Phil sat in front of his laptop, a sleepy and disgruntled looking Dan nestled next to him. The little red light on his webcam flickered to life, indicating that they were now streaming live across the internet.

"Good morning Phillions, Danosaurs and Phanosaurs! Today we'll be doing a special live webcast version of the Super Amazing Project. As you know, Dan here is completely obsessed with Malteasers. Today we raise the much pondered question, is there anything Dan will not do for Malteasers? A few days ago, I asked you guys to send in dares for Dan, and now, with the help of these babies…" He wiggled a packet of Malteasers in front of the camera "We are going to find out once and for all, how much does Dan love chocolate? If he does the dare, he gets Malteasers. If he doesn't, I get to eat them all! Mwahahaa!"

Dan seemed to have brightened at the suggestion, and playfully yawned "Bring it on, internet! Give me your worst!" "Yeah, help make us really fat!"

"wheezywaiter97 dares Dan to do the rest of the webcast shirtless…" Dan sighed, but obediently peeled his shirt off, revealing his lean, lightly muscled torso. "Oh look. I am all shirtless and sexy. Happy now?" he spoke in a sarcastic monotone. Phil rewarded him with a handful of Malteasers, which he happily gobbled down.

"KyhanP7 says 'let Phil touch your neck for three Malteasers'" Phil grinned, knowing this was something Dan would never let anyone do. But much to his surprise, Dan winced, tilted his neck invitingly and said "Do your worst." Phil responded with glee, tickling the sensitive spot and taking sick pleasure in watching his friend squirm "Okay! Enough!" Dan grabbed a pillow and started swiping at him. Phil relented, passing over the packet of Malteasers from which Dan took his reward.

The show continued in much the same fashion, until they were down to the last Malteaser. So far, Phil had only got two Malteasers (when Dan refused to eat and entire jar of mustard in two minutes or less), and really wanted another one, so he chose a dare that had been coming up over and over again, that he knew Dan would never consent to.

"Okay Dan, for the very last Malteaser which is of course bound to taste a trillion times better than any of the other ones… this is something that's come up again and again from hundreds of our viewers. It's really simple. You've just got to give me a kiss. A little peck on the cheek. That's it.

He smirked as Dan's eyebrows shot up. Neither of them moved for a few moments. Phil reached over and grabbed the last Malteaser from the bag "Thought not…" he said as he popped it in his mouth, closing his eyes, feeling the creamy sweetness start to melt on his tongue…

Suddenly, there was another sensation, of soft, moist lips pressing against his own, hands tangling themselves in his ebony hair, a tongue tracing along his lower lip, demanding entry which he granted instantly. The kiss was fierce and passionate and it tasted like chocolate. Phil's arms snaked around Dan's bare waist, tickling the small of his back. They kissed like they would never get another chance.

All too soon, Dan drew back, grinning, and opened his mouth to reveal a half-melted Malteaser. He swallowed, yawned and stretched. "Well, now that that's over, I think I'll go back to bed." He smiled, leant over and gave Phil a peck on the cheek.

Phil sat stunned for a few moments, until he heard Dan's voice from the corridor "So are you coming or not?".

"Well folks, that's all for today. You're going to go crazy over this no matter what I say, so I might as well just go have sex with my best friend. Oh, and for those of you who weren't following, I'm pretty sure Phan just became cannon…" he waved quickly at the screen before slamming the laptop closed and racing after his friend, already peeling his shirt off…

* * *

That's all folks, please R&R and tell me what you thought of the story, and if you'd like me to post the rest of it.

xoxo


	2. Tease

Thank you for your reviews, as promised here is the second (sexier) part to the story. It's pretty much PWP

I do not own AmazingPhil, Danisnotonfire, Malteasers, or anything else you can recognise in any way.

The moment Phil stepped into the room, Dan's arms snaked around him, their lips crashing together in a fiery passion. Together they fell onto the soft blue sheets of Dan's bed, still locked at the lips. Dan grinned as he felt Phil's hardness beneath him, matching his own, and ground his hips against his smaller friend. An idea sprang to mind and he broke the kiss, rolling over to fumble in his bedside drawer. Phil grew suddenly alarmed.

"Dan, are we really going to do this?"

"Relax Phil, its not what you think."

When Dan flipped back over, Phil saw he was holding a packet of Malteasers. Phil laughed "You cant seriously be hungry at a time like this, can you?"

Dan smirked, his eyes flickering from Phil's lips to his crotch. "Starved." He growled. Phil gulped, trembling with anticipation.

Dan tore open the packet of Malteasers, placing one between his teeth. Taking this as his cue, Phil leant forward, snaking out his tongue to capture the chocolate. They kissed frantically for a few minutes, before Dan drew away. "You're hot, Philly dear." He smirked as he ran a hand over Phil's bare chest, feeling the heat radiating from it. "Your fault." Phil replied, gasping as Dan's playful fingers traced circles around a sensitive nipple.

Dan grinned, and took another Malteaser from the bag, rolling it between his fingers. Phil opened his mouth expectantly, but Dan had other plans. He began to trace a path along Phil's chest, leaving a trail of sticky, half-melted chocolate, which he began to lick up, his tongue trailing lazily along Phil's chest and circling his nipples. Phil shuddered and moaned in pleasure as he felt Dan shuffle lower, licking down his abdomen until finally he reached his friend's Pikachu belt, which he began to unbuckle.

For the first time Dan hesitated, meeting Phil's gaze in a silent question. They held eye contact for about half a second before bursting out laughing.

"Oh my god, are we actually doing this?" Dan choked out between giggles

"It's every fangirls' dream come true!" Phil smirked.

"So should we…"

"Not like this. We should do it right."

"Okay then. What do you want to do?"

Phil sat up, pulling Dan onto his lap, and placed a chaste kiss upon his lips. Dan smiled against him, and continued the kiss, slow, soft, sensual. A flicker of tongues moving over each other. This was how it should be. Them together, not jokingly, not overly sexual, just a pure display of affection. They should be themselves while they are together.

Phil drew back, smiling. That one gentle kiss had done more for him than any of the urgent, rushed ones. He reached back into the bedside table drawer, pulling out the packet of Malteasers and a single condom, emblazoned with a green pig. Was there anything Angry Birds would not put their name on?

"So, what do you think?"

Without hesitating, Dan knocked the open packet of Malteasers onto the ground, where they rolled across the carpet. He pinned Phil to the bed, kissing him with a newfound earnest. Phil reversed it, rolling so that he was on top, and they broke the kiss, panting heavily, faces just centimetres apart.

"So…" Phil held up the condom he was still clutching. "Who's going to…"

"You can." Dan panted "I mean, you can… do it… do to me, I mean…"

"You want me to fuck you?"

"Well, to put it bluntly, yes."

"Well I wasn't expecting that." Phil grinned, pressing another kiss against Dan's lips.

At this point, both of them were getting fairly uncomfortable in their tight jeans. In a wordless agreement, Dan's hands moved to Phil's fly, unzipping his pants and pulling them down, along with his underwear in one… okay many rather awkward shuffling movements. But he got them off in the end, and that's what really counts. Phil quickly returned the favour, and soon they were lying atop each other, completely naked, their hardness rubbing together in the most weirdly erotic way.

"Phil, please?" Dan groaned.

Phil agreed, and there were a few moments of awkward shuffling as Phil put the condom on and Dan fumbled around in the drawer for some Vaseline. Dan winced from both pain and pleasure as Phil inserted a finger, preparing him for what was to come.

"Just hurry up and do it before I change my mind!"

Phil didn't need any more encouragement as he plunged into the other boy's tight body, feeling the bliss of muscles contracting around him. Dan squirmed from the pain, a single tear making its way down his face, but Phil kissed it away, whispering words of love and encouragement that neither would remember. Wordlessly they began to move together, Dans' pain quickly subsiding as his body was rocked with wave after wave of pleasure. Phil let one hand snake between them, stroking Dan's cock, almost sending him over the edge. Neither would last long.

They collapsed into each others' arms, sweaty and panting, each wearing an identical look of utter satisfaction. They shared a small smile, and, curling closer together, Phil's head on Dan's chest, they both fell into a soft, sweet slumber.

And to think, all this started with a single Malteaser.

* * *

So there you are, all the sexy bits. If you enjoyed and want more, please let me know, I'm happy to oblige!

xx


	3. Dream

You wanted more, so here it is. the 3rd and final (I think) part to Phanteasers. This is just a short little thing, mostly a dream sequence, but I thought it was a nice way to finish the series, and I didn't want to spend forever writing the next part and have it be a huge letdown. I really hope you enjoy it! I've really enjoyed writing these two together, so once I get through my massive list of requests, I will definitely be adding a few more Phanfictions.

Don't own nothin' but the plot. The song is Sunny Day Real Estate's 'Song About An Angel'.

* * *

In Phil's dreams, there was Dan. They kissed and licked, tasting every inch of each other's body, the overwhelming scent of chocolate filling the room. He licked syrupy precum from Dan's abdomen, before taking his length deep in his mouth, tongue swirling, revelling in the taste of Dan. As they both released their pleasure, it came in small balls of chocolate, which floated away like bubbles, popping to release musical notes.

They were both wearing white now, swaying to the soft sounds, as they sang in unity words without sense.

_"So I say, still away, sleep, close my eyes _

_An image of your face, traced in white sand _

_Underneath undefined, I lay down arms outstretched _

_I embrace the fall…"_

Dan kissed Phil's neck, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. A single kiss upon the forehead bid him goodbye as a louder voice bid him back to reality.

He woke smiling in Dan's arms.

"Good morning sleepy lion."

"Can we stay here forever?"

"Fuck no, I want pancakes and you're going to help me make them."

Phil grinned, craning his neck to nibble delicately on Dan's earlobe. Dan groaned.

"Or maybe we could just stay here forever…"

After that, there was no talking for quite a while. The boys explored each other in ways that had never been explored outside of dreams. The relentless ringing of their phones, the doorbell, the ping of messages from Dan's computer could not interrupt their bliss.

This felt right. This felt perfect. And together, they felt whole for the first time in their lives.

As they lay together afterwards, a single plate of pancakes nestled between them (because come on, who doesn't like post-coital pancakes?), their free hands interlaced, Dan had only one comment to make.

"We totally have to get Malteasers on our wedding cake."

And Phil, who had recently decided that Malteasers were his absolute favourite food ever, agreed.

* * *

I think that's about it for now. Thank you so much for reading, I really hope you enjoyed it!

xx

So, although I like this story just as it is, I was thinking of adding a wedding scene. If you'd like this addition, could you please leave a comment or send me a message or something so I know that there's some interest? Thanks, love you guys!


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